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Joke (wersja angielska) DLUGIE!!! , wukillah 16/02/02 17:41
A rabbi, a hindu, and a lawyer are in a car. they run out of gas, and are
forced to stop at a farmers house. The farmer says that there are only 2
extra beds, and one person will have to sleep in the barn. The hindu says,
"I'm humble, I will sleep in the barn," so he goes out to the barn. In a few
minutes, the farmer hears a knock on the door. It's the hindu and he says,
"There is a cow in the barn. It's against my beliefs to sleep with a cow."
So the rabbi says, "I'm humble, I will sleep in the barn." A few minutes
later, the farmer hears another knock on the door and its' the rabbi. He says
that it is against his beliefs to sleep where there is a pig and there is a
pig in the barn. So the lawyer is forced to sleep in the barn.
A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door. It's the pig and the cow.
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A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would
be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks
over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and
began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he
started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat"
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table"
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the
captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a
piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on
for a day and another and another.
After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"
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The speed of light is greater than the speed of sound. That's why some
people seem very bright until you hear them speak.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
A: Your honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?
A: Senator.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
A: Because down deep, they are all nice guys!!!!
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a bus load of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche?
A: With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside!
Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A: A lobotomy.
Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.
Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
Q: What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.
Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery
Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q: What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A doberman.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck
defiance.
Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Q: Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
A: Because people could not tell which side to spit on.
Q: Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
A: It's called, Sosumi.
Q: Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he died that
they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body?
A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box.
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking
down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar
bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------just d'oh it! - Sosumi , voodoo 16/02/02 18:00
da best :)- Własnie tego nie jarze, podpowiedz o co chodzi ... , Muchomor 18/02/02 11:47
... z tym sosumi. Lying lawyers mi sie podoba.Stary Grzyb :-) Pozdrawia
Boardowiczów - "So sue me" , Seadog 19/02/02 02:56
się tak samo wymawia. Już? ;-)http://nadobranoc.weebly.com/
http://ciii.blogspot.com/
- ładniutkie :) , Seadog 16/02/02 18:03
dwa błęcy ortograficznie i jeden interpunkcyjny, przy pobieżnym czytaniu :)) wiem, Wu-Killah, że nie twoje, niemniej jednak są.http://nadobranoc.weebly.com/
http://ciii.blogspot.com/ - do Seadogg , wukillah 16/02/02 19:36
zapewniam ze nie moje - gdzies znalazlem
ponoc pisane przez ludzi made in usa or sthjust d'oh it! - niom, mówię przecież, że nie twoje , Seadog 16/02/02 21:28
typowe ortografy dla anglojęzycznych, jak u nas u/ó czy h/ch:
whose -> who's farmers -> farmer's (także czasem - nie tu - farmers') itp.http://nadobranoc.weebly.com/
http://ciii.blogspot.com/
- ;-) jak zawsze szczegółowy :-) , NimnuL-Redakcja 17/02/02 08:09
...Gdyby nie wymyślono elektryczności,
siedziałbym przed komputerem przy
świeczkach.
- funny!! , pippi 16/02/02 18:47
Heh, someone hates the lawyers, I guess...- I guess, they hate 'em enough :) , Tony Soprano 17/02/02 00:40
Sperm's nice ;)
Po,
- OF KOZ:) , Qudek 18/02/02 10:54
OF kOZ :-P :)[-] [] []D [-] (()) []D
-=GG 2394851=-
QuDeK
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